Here’s How to Speak with Your Children about Dementia
Published: November 22, 2023
By: Cole Smith - Corporate Director of Dementia Care at Brightview Senior Living
Author Website: Click to Visit
More than six million Americans are living with Alzheimer’s, and by 2050, this number is expected to rise to nearly 13 million, according to the Alzheimer’s Association. With those staggering numbers, Alzheimer’s likely touches someone you know or someone you love. When you’re a parent, explaining to a child what the disease is and why grandma or grandpa is acting differently can be a very challenging conversation.
However, there is a way to have these difficult conversations with kids of all ages. It is important to keep a couple of things in mind. First, remember the reason you want to have this conversation is because you care. Second, even if the conversation is hard, you are coming from a good place. Here are four tips on how to have these conversations with younger ones.
Tip One: Explain their level of understanding. There is a big difference between conversations with a seven-year-old, and a 13-year-old. That said, it’s important to meet them where they are. Use words and phrases that will resonate with them, ask questions to get them curious, and gauge what they have experienced and understand about the family member with a memory challenge.
Example questions can be, “Did you notice grandma called you dad’s name? How did it make you feel? Do you worry about her?” This will set up a conversation to talk about feelings, fears, and inner thoughts they may not have yet shared.
Tip Two: Be supportive. Acknowledge their feelings and follow up with an offer to talk about what’s going on. This will make them feel supported and reinforce that they can come to you when they are processing emotions and witnessing changes in their loved ones. This could look like: “Grandma has something called dementia; would you like for me to talk with you about what that is? We will see many changes on this journey with Grandma, do you want to talk about what we may see?”
Tip Three: Keep the door open. Before and after visiting a loved one with dementia, explain any changes you may have noticed. Then, ask your child to share what they noticed. Remember, dementia doesn’t rob people of their dignity, our response to dementia does.
Keeping the child in the know to their level of understanding, and keeping open channels of communication will normalize the fact that some people face different challenges as they age. This will support the development of the child’s emotional intelligence and give them practice talking about their feelings when words feel difficult.
Tip Four: Get involved. Get the entire family involved in a related cause, such as a Walk to End Alzheimer’s. By attending walks, they will be surrounded by other children and adults experiencing a loved one living with dementia, which helps them see that others their age are facing similar situations. This will help everyone in the family feel less alone and part of a community.
Additional resources: If your child seems upset about the changes they are seeing, consider speaking with a professional about how you can support them and yourself during this time. Child talk therapy is also a viable option.
Below, find a list of books for a variety of ages that make talking about dementia and Alzheimer’s a bit easier – for kids and adults alike.
The Remember Balloons
By Jessie Oliveros
About: A tender, sensitive picture book that gently explains the memory loss associated with aging and diseases such as Alzheimer’s.
Ages 5-8 y/o
My Grandma has Dementia
By Alex Winstanley (Author), Adam Walker-Parker (Illustrator)
About: This picture book aims to raise awareness of the impact that Dementia can have on an individual and their family, in a child-friendly and supportive way
Ages 4-11 y/o
The Memory Tree
By: Britta Teckentrup
About: A beautiful and heartfelt picture book to help children celebrate the memories left behind when a loved one dies.
Ages 0-5 y/o
Why Can’t Grandma Remember?
By: Crystal Holsher
About: This book was written by a speech-language pathologist who works with the geriatric population. She wrote this book to help children learn more about Dementia and activities for interacting with someone suffering from Dementia.
Ages 3-10 y/o
Grandma’s Living with Dementia and Bad Words and Dementia
By: Teepa Snow, Amanda Bulgarelli, Abby Snow
About: Written by Teepa’s two daughters, Abby and Amanda, this book was intentionally designed to help you notice and appreciate what is happening and what is not happening for someone in your life who is living with Dementia.
Ages 5-18 years
Cole Smith has an MA in Gerontology, a Master of Social Work (expected graduation 2025); Certified Alzheimer’s Disease and Dementia Care Trainer, Certified National End of Life Doula, Registered Respiratory Therapist (RRT); Oversees all aspects of Brightview Senior Living’s Dementia services across 47 communities in 8 states, managing a team of Regional Directors across all communities.