"Once Your mindset changes, everything on the outside will change along with it."
Published: March 1, 2024
By: Doris Barren - Special to Birmingham Parent
My parenting role began at the tender age of 17 when I gave birth to the oldest of three daughters. The experiences and lessons I have learned have been enlightening, sobering, frightening and fulfilling. I discovered that being a parent is the most significant role in my life. What an awesome responsibility parents have that we cannot take lightly.
As my parenting role evolved over the years, I realized that this is not a role we can take without some forethought. Parenting cannot be haphazard. When we do not plan for our children, the adults they become will often be the opposite of what we hoped for. We also need to recognize that our children take their cues from us. The actions and behaviors we demonstrate repeatedly in their presence resonate with them. If our actions and behaviors are primarily positive, our children are likely to internalize and adopt these same actions and behaviors themselves. The same will be true if we exhibit negative actions and behaviors in their presence.
These revelations led me to research why some children grow up to contribute positively to society while others do the opposite. The common denominator that stood out was our ‘Mindset!’ The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines mindset as “A particular way of thinking: a person’s attitude or set of opinions about something.” The Oxford Advanced Learner’s Dictionary defines mindset as “the established set of attitudes held by someone.” Both definitions helped me understand that how we see ourselves and the world is driven by how we think about it.
As I continued my research, I found a quote from Steve Maraboli, a well-known internet radio commentator, motivational speaker and author, that resonated with me. I later used it as the opening to the Introduction of my book, Change Your Mindset/Save Your Child: Saving Our Children by Healing Ourselves. He stated, “Once Your mindset changes, everything on the outside will change along with it.” This quote helped me understand that just because we think a certain way today does not mean we are doomed to think that way forever. We control our thoughts and how we choose to see ourselves and the world around us. That is, we choose our mindset.
How we think and see ourselves and the world around us leads us to act and behave in ways that reflect that thinking. If our thinking reflects a positive outlook, our actions will demonstrate that way of thinking. The opposite is true if our thinking reflects a negative outlook. Remember, our children are taking their cues from us. They learn what they live every day. We are teaching them even when we do not realize it. I discuss this phenomenon in more detail in my book.
I developed a Parenting Workshop based on my book and the accompanying guide. The workshop helps parents understand their current mindset and how it affects the way they parent their children. The workshop helps the participants understand how their current parenting approach impacts their children. Is their current approach based on a positive or negative outlook, and how do they know?
The 12 chapters of the book and guide contain charts, questions and other exercises the participants must complete to gain an honest and authentic picture of their current parenting approach. In the workshop, we discuss what changes they need to make to improve how they parent their children by changing how they see themselves and the world around them (this is where much of the self-reflection and healing occurs). When the participants complete the workshop, they will be able to: (a) understand how their mindset affects how they see themselves and their place in the world; (b) utilize the knowledge and tools needed to transform their mindset and improve their life; (c) understand what it takes to create and maintain a positive culture for themselves and their family; (d) understand how critical it is to be a positive role model for their children; and (e) be better prepared for the future challenges they and their families are likely to face.
In 2022, I joined New Awakening Recovery Services, Inc., a 501 (c) (3) nonprofit organization in Birmingham, AL/Jefferson County. The organization’s mission is to provide education, guidance and support services to recovering women in a healthy, sober living environment and to offer community referral services to any individual seeking help with their substance use disorder. Our goal for the sober living program is to utilize a holistic recovery support model conducive to the residents’ mental, spiritual, emotional, physical, social and financial recovery. My role is the Parenting Program Facilitator, allowing me to use my workshop to help parents who want to improve their parenting skills.
We have conducted my seven-week ‘Change Your Mindset/Save Your Child’ workshop at partner nonprofits (Aletheia House and The Lovelady Center) in Birmingham, supporting the parenting initiatives they provide for their residents. The feedback has been incredibly positive. Some participants shared testimonials of their experiences during the workshops, indicating how much they have learned about their parenting role and how critical it is to the positive nurturing and guidance they provide their children.
Our goal is to expand our reach to other organizations with parenting programs to partner with them and help additional struggling families as they strive to be their children’s best possible role models and teachers. We would also love to collaborate with other community organizations that provide similar services. Please visit our website to learn more about us and our outreach programs at https://narecoveryservices.org/. Our Founder and President, Martina Dailey, is a phenomenal leader and can be reached at (205) 977- 0627.
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