Teaching Children Tolerance

Back to school can be an exciting time of new experiences. Our children may face new teachers, new classmates, and new challenges. Sometimes there is so much new to face all at once that it can be overwhelming, leaving our children unsure as to how to respond. Naturally, we do all that we can as parents to prepare them so that they are as ready as they can possibly be.

One subject we may overlook is how to respond to differences they may encounter among their peers. Children come in many varieties. There are different ethnicities, learning differences, special needs, unique families, and sometimes even differing languages. How will your child respond to what they are not familiar with?

We’d like to think that they know enough about common courtesy and kindness that they would respond properly. After all, we’ve raised them to be considerate and mannerly. However, in the classroom or on the playground when a child with differences has been singled out by others, our children may not be sure what to do.

If you haven’t already, you may want to start with a simple discussion that mentions diversity. That’s a big word, but it can be simply explained to the youngest of children. We aren’t all the same, not exactly. Those differences can be celebrated and embraced or they can be the source of uncomfortable encounters.

Ways to Explain Our Differences

Once, after my two adopted daughters had joined our family, another child asked them why they didn’t look like their mommy. They didn’t know how to respond, so at home, I took a blank piece of paper and drew a line down the center. I told them that we were going to make two lists, one of how we were the same and one of how we were different. The side with differences had one entry, our skin color. On the other side, we listed many likenesses. We all were girls, we all had arms and legs and fingers and toes, we had eyes, we liked ice cream, we had beautiful smiles, and the list went on and on.

The purpose of this was to help my girls see we had much more in common than we didn’t have. This may be a good starting point with your children if they come home telling you about a child that is different.

Some questions your curious child may ask are normal and include: Why does Maria use words I don’t understand? Why does Sam need a wheelchair? Why does Allison wear clothes different from mine? Why is Noah’s skin a different color than his mom’s? Don’t hesitate to answer your child’s questions that come from a natural curiosity concerning what is unfamiliar to her. If you don’t know, say so and then find out the answers together.

Children with Special Needs

The educational needs of many special needs children are best served by being included in standard classrooms. When this is the case, your students may be unsure how to react to children who need special assistance or interventions. Some teachers may be pro-active and give some guidance. However, we as parents also can be proactive by openly discussing special needs with our children in a positive tone. Shedding a little light on a subject can often dispel any misgivings.

For instance, if a student in your child’s class is on the autism spectrum, you may look for a book that explains Asperger’s syndrome on a level your child can understand. It may help you both understand a bit better the challenges that this child and his family face.

Amy Garrett Martin, a special education teacher at Vincent Elementary School, offers some helpful insight. “In today’s culture, so many parents treat their children like they are perfect. They aren’t. None of us are.” Her statement made me realize there is a bonus to teaching our children tolerance towards others. Perhaps it will relieve some of the pressure they may feel to be perfect or to blend in with everyone else.

Martin adds that she strives to be very open concerning any issues a child may be facing in the classroom. With the parent’s permission, she will discuss these issues with the class and keeps a variety of children’s books that can explain particular disorders and their challenges on a child’s level.

“My kids (students) are the most compassionate little beings because they feel so connected to our struggles. They really come to see their differences as ‘their struggles’ and they become such encouragers. They celebrate victories and progress and it is so beautiful,” Martin says.

America is filled with cultural diversity and Alabama is a beautiful reflection of that.

There are many resources available for those who are interested in other cultures and languages. The entire family could learn about Chinese New Year or Jewish Hanukkah. A few key words or phrases could be learned in Spanish. Unique recipes from other countries could be a fun family night experiment.

Remember, the most valuable tool for teaching tolerance is by your example. Pay close attention to your reactions to those who look or live differently than you. Make an effort to show your child that you are open to people with special needs or to families that don’t look just like yours. Treat others the way you would want to be treated.

Is your family different or unique? Teach your children how to respond.

Teach your children to respond properly to comments and treatment that may come their way. Make sure your children know that they should tell you and their teacher if bullying is occurring and that there are times to speak up for themselves and for others.

Make sure your children know that sometimes an initial reaction doesn’t define a budding friendship. People, even children, can sometimes react impulsively and make comments or ask questions that can make us feel uncomfortable. Although name calling or teasing is never acceptable, if a child is curious, they may just ask why a child is using a wheelchair, for instance. In that case, you might suggest an honest answer for an honest question.

Make sure that your children know that they have a right to feel safe and be treated with respect in the classroom. Sitting down and having a conversation about personal space, personal property, and personal dignity may be just the tool they need whether they are on the receiving end or the observing end of times when tolerance of differences is required.

Stephanie Rodda is a freelance writer and adoptive mom of seven who lives with her family in the Birmingham area. She blogs at StephanieRodda.wordpress.com and has authored How Then Shall We Live? a fictional book about a family facing difficult times and relying on faith and family to make it through. (found at Amazon.com)

Possible Resources for Parent-Child Conversations (quotes should be removed and titles should be italicized – thx)

Wonder by R.J. Palacio

In Jesse’s Shoes by Beverly Lewis

Special People, Special Ways by Arlen Maguire

Two Mrs. Gibsons by Toyomi Igus

The Skeetches and Other Stories by Dr. Seuss