The Sacrificial Love of a Mom For Her Deaf Child with Autism

Rhonda and Josh Hale were ecstatic to discover they were pregnant in 2006. Their miracle baby, Devin, was a delight, but they were quickly overwhelmed with visits to the doctor and living far from family. So they packed everything up and moved states from Georgia to Alabama when Devin was just three months old.

One day when at a family member’s house near the train tracks, Rhonda began to notice something strange: Devin was obsessed with trains, but he didn’t even turn his head when the train blew its whistle as it went by the house. It was as if he didn’t even hear it. This was what Rhonda calls her “first trigger” that inspired her deep dive into research about deaf children. They went to Children’s of Alabama, and it was soon confirmed that Devin was deaf. Thus began the journey of fighting for their son with the hearing and deaf world alike.

Fortunately, one of the ENTs worked with them to ensure the best possible treatment for Devin. By the time Devin was four years old, they had tried endless variations of hearing aids and none had helped. His doctor shared with the Hales that cochlear implants were an option for Devin. However, cochlear implant surgery could be very hard, especially on a child, and so initially they were hesitant.  “As a parent, I was scared, because I wasn’t sure if I was making the right choice or not. I hoped I was,” Rhonda shared.

Rhonda also explained that she wasn’t sure whether Devin should learn sign language or go to speech therapy, to which the doctor replied, “Why not do both?” And so he did. Eventually, Devin’s parents decided to go forward with the surgery. The day Devin’s implants were activated was one the Hales will remember forever, because once they turned the implants on, Devin could hear for the first time. “He noticed immediately and grabbed his dad’s hand to hold up to that ear,” Rhonda described, emotion in her voice.

They first learned about the Alabama Institute for Deaf and Blind (AIDB) because Rhonda’s husband Josh was originally from Alabama. However, the school didn’t come up on their radar until Josh was on a work call that required him to go out to the school. After seeing all of the amenities and meeting with the staff, he went home and immediately told Rhonda they needed to schedule a walk-through. Rhonda explained that upon stepping onto the campus, “My fears went away & I knew this is where he needed to come.”

Of course, not all of their challenges went away when Devin started attending AIDB in Kindergarten. “Making friends was hard, for him and us. He didn’t have the same kinds of communication skills as kids, it was hard to watch as a parent,” Rhonda shared. Nevertheless, she and Josh used each difficult or awkward interaction, especially those outside of the school, as an opportunity to teach people how to interact with deaf people.

In the 1st grade, some of Devin’s behaviors became more prominent. When his teacher was in a non-fatal accident, he couldn’t handle having a substitute teacher. Rhonda was working her dream job at a bakery but found it was unsustainable to drive an hour to and from the school almost every day to pick Devin up or calm him down. He was soon diagnosed with autism. “As a parent, you don’t want another label on your child,” she stated. Yet this realization proved that something needed to change. So in an act of sacrificial love, Rhonda quit her job and became a janitor at the school so she could be nearby when Devin needed her. “I don’t regret my decision leaving that ,” she said. “All of these kids here have become my kids now.”

Now, twelve years later, she’s one of the teacher’s aids in the elementary school. She’s been on PTO and other committees, always trying to reach out to parents who are going through the same thing she experienced. Devin is now a senior at the top of his class, considering going to Gentry after he graduates. Thinking about his education, Rhonda shared, “He’s touched so many lives and a lot of the people know him. Being a parent and seeing my kid grow and seeing the people that have helped him along the way… Now those people are my friends.”

Devin’s dreams extend far beyond Gentry, though. “He’d also love to go to Auburn one day,” Rhonda expressed. “He’s high-functioning. Computers and technology are his interests. Behind-the-scenes at ESPN would be his dream.” She even recalled when he was three years old and he hacked into her Facebook and changed her photos.

Rhonda’s dreams for her child are simple: “I want the best for my kid, for him to be happy,” she declared. “Hopefully one day he’ll have his own place and manage his life himself with them there at every step along the way; I hope he understands that we love him.” Like most teens, Devin is still learning it’s okay to not make an A; he’s scared to be wrong. “I don’t want him to be afraid, because there will always be mistakes, but that’s how we grow. We will always be proud of him regardless.”

If you are walking through the challenges of parenting a child who is deaf and/or autistic, Rhonda urges you to “Go with your gut.” “I was scared because I was really getting out of my comfort zone, but I was trying to think for him,” she said. “There was so much uncertainty.”  Find what works for you. It’s okay to ask for a second opinion. Don’t worry about what others think. “Nothing prepared me for what I do now,” Rhonda would tell you. But she wouldn’t trade her journey for the world.